I am sharing this with the hope that it can help someone out-there going through the same thing. I love being a mama to my son, I mean there are not enough words that can truly express the love I have in my heart for him, yet that didn’t stop me from falling into postpartum depression after I had him. Yes I have been struggling with postpartum depression for sometime now and finally having the courage to speak up.
It all looked rosy and beautiful when our beautiful baby came into this world. Our home was filled with so much love, joy and laughter. Our family and friends came from far and wide to celebrate this bundle of joy with us; For a moment, I thought motherhood was a walk in the park and how proud I was to have crushed this thing like a pro, a healthy baby, no stretch marks and practically getting my pre pregnancy body back in no time, so I thought.. When my dad, sister, mum, cousins, aunties and in-laws finally left, it was just us 3 and things got real.
My world finally turned upside down, depression found its way to me, I became anxious and scared. Most time I was under the weather, just getting out of bed and taking care of my baby seemed like a chore but in my case, I was grateful I pushed my self. I stopped working out, all the things that brought me joy, I lost interest in as well as energy to do the most basic things. I was at such an unhappy place, and really it didn’t make sense. I had all these crazy thoughts, some I d share with my hubby for reassurance that I wasn’t going crazy and some, I will just keep to myself because yeah, they were just plain crazy. I took up the courage to seek help, talk to someone that was licensed and could help my situation. Letting out those fears and talking made me feel better. Day after day I fought for my baby, my self and family. I knew what I needed to do most was be a mother to my son, to be present , be happy and create memories with my baby. I could not let depression steal my greatest joy away from me, so I fought like never before.
Going through postpartum depression made me realize how important family and good friends are to new mums. Motherhood can be a lonely journey especially when you don’t have people around who understand your journey. Sometimes just talking to someone makes everything much better, that way your thoughts are not bottled inside. In my case I had my husband, close friends and family, and believe me, it made everything feel 10 times better.
My journey through postpartum depression taught me a lot about motherhood and its multiple facets. It can be awesome and magical, consuming you with love you never imagined existed and can’t even begin to put into words. It can be also terrifying giving the magnitude of what you stand to loose. Motherhood can be a mirror, reflecting our greatest glories and joy as well as our deepest regrets and pain. Being a mother is a hard and difficult job and takes a lot of sacrifices but what it should never ever be is suffering.
So to all you new mummies out there suffering from postpartum depression, how do you cope? and what advice would you give to anyone going through this at the moment?
xoxoxo
Harrie
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